Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Be a Grabowski

Wow, today is a slow day. Not much going on except for this:


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I've been watching this video endlessly. Mike Ditka. The man has legions of obsessed fans everywhere. I don't know what it is. He coached the Bears to a Super Bowl victory, and sports a real nice mustache, but does he really deserve such blind devotion from his fans?

I believe this video holds many clues to Ditka's power. The video was made sometime around 1991. It really has nothing to do with football, except that he described his players as "Grabowski's".

The video only features Ditka for a short time in the beginning and in the end. The rest of the video is left up to his dancing crew of "Grabowskis". Most notably, Mrs. Ditka:

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While everyone knows that Ditka called his players Grabowski. Not everyone knows that the term Grabowski was Ditka's pet name for Valerie's vagina. It's actually kind of nice really. Grabowski.

"Which Grabowski Has The Creepiest Mustache?", if that was a contest, then I believe this guy's mustache beats Ditka's by a mile.
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Not to be outdone the dude behind him wins the "Best Come Hither Stare" contest. Ladies, I know you want to ride in his Camaro.

That is, unless you want to ride creepy mustache dude's jackhammer.
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You can't go wrong with his rap "Jackhammer George I play it cool. I'm never a fool when I'm using my tool". Tool? Hey Jackhammer George, are you talking about your penis? Ditka, where did you find these Grabowskis?

Then "Come Hither Stare" guy starts rapping.
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He raps: "With a name like Jason you gotta be tough, in my neighborhood you prove your stuff"

Someone has to tell him it's not the name. It's the pants, and his stupid shirt.
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Here he is proving his stuff. In his neighborhood, Camaros, hair gel, and non homoerotic evaluations of each other's bodies proves your worth.

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I had to reboot my computer twice, as it tried to load this part of the video. Her hair kept taking up too much RAM.

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Props to the woman behind her for rocking out hard, even though she knew she wasn't the focal point of the shot.

By this point of the rap video, I'm still unsure of how Ditka retains his god like status among his fans....then I got it.

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Black loafers, white socks. Michael Jackson wore them, and he won Grammies. Ditka wears them, he wins the Super Bowl, and the adoration of fans everywhere.

Well played Mr. Ditka, well played.

How do you find this stuff?
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