Sunday, December 11, 2005

Hanging out with Sam and The Learning Channel.

I'm a dog owner for the week.

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Things I've learned about Sam the dog:

-He's a lot less boisterous than I had previously imagined. The past two times I met Sam he was full of energy, so much so that I worried that he would be a handful during the week I was to take care of him. Well it turns out that Sam is a pretty mellow dog. Right now, he's sleeping on the couch next to me while I watch the show "627 Pound Woman: Jackie's Story" on TLC, the dog is so passed out, that even my loud utterings of "Oh damn!" during Jackie's gastric bypass surgery footage haven't even made him stir.

-Sam is a snoring dog.

***ugh, Jackie right now is suffering major infections with her gastric bypass surgery.***

-Sam doesn't really poo that much, which worries me. Is he crapping all around the house in hidden areas while I'm gone?

-Sam doesn't respond to me during walks, I just follow him while trying to hold onto the leash.

***cripes! Now they're showing Jackie's open wound / surgery site! It looks like the Sarlaac Pit from Star Wars***

-I think Sam's bummed out that his owner's are out of town. I'll jazz up his mood temporarily with his squeak toy, but that only lasts for a little while. He likes the walks though, so we've been doing that a lot.

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-I find myself talking to the dog, like he's a person. Maybe that's why the dog's so bummed out. I keep talking. He's probably thinking: "Who is this guy? Doesn't he know I can't understand him? I'm gonna poo someplace secret to fuck with him"

***Jackie's lost 70 pounds so far, but she still can't really stand up on her own. Ugh! Now they're showing her excess skin! This show is raw! The doctor's are saying that she's losing weight too fast.***

I don't think I could be a real dog owner right now. It's a lot of work and a lot of responsibility. I'm in and out of the house so much that the dog wouldn't get all the attention it needed, but it's cool to take care of one for a little while.

***Damn, TLC is rolling out the programming tonight. They have moved on from the 627 pound woman to a show about narcoleptics. They're showing all these people that are afflicted. These poor people fall asleep everywhere; in stores, at home, some even fall asleep right on top of their dinner. Images of people suddenly falling asleep in their dinner makes this supposed serious documentary just a Benny Hill soundtrack away from being a full on comedy***

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***hahaha, the show is now visiting a Narcoleptics support group meeting. Everyone there is a narcoleptic! Nothing gets done, they all keep falling asleep!"***

i want this dog. lucky. well we have a dog too... and we get to keep him. so there.
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