Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Holiday Gift Ideas

I know some people have been finding it hard to buy gifts for their friends during this holiday season. Hopefully I can help.

Got a friend with nasty hippie long hair? Get them the Hair Cut Comb:

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This item is a great gift idea, but if you really want to knock the Birkenstocks off your dirty long haired friend, get them the Hair Cutting Comb, along with the Hair Cutting Umbrella:

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Sadly there aren't any products to take care of the blackened soles of their dirty ass feet.

How about Shrinky Dinks? Those were always fun right?
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What? You've never had Shrinky Dinks? They're awesome! You see, you get these things right? For example Spiderman. You cut them out and put them in the oven and get this....THEY SHRINK! And then...uhhhhh..no yeah, that's it. They just shrink. Yeah fuck you, I don't hear you coming up with anything exciting.

What about this uh..Superman...Van.

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I don't know why Superman would need a van..I guess maybe if he were tired of flying. He'd still have to drive the thing in costume which would be fairly ridiculous, otherwise he wouldn't have painted SUPERMAN on the side if he wanted to remain low key.

Damn this is pretty hard. All I got left is this:
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For the Spongebob lover. He uh, I don't know...vomits slushy into a cup you take from his...crotch..You know this would create an uproar if the same exact toy were called Uncle Bob's Slush Pants.

Who am I kidding? These gifts suck.

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