Thursday, April 27, 2006

Douchebags

On my street, amongst a sea of Honda Civics, Toyota Corrollas, and various other pieces of shit, we have this car:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

One thing I love about douchebags, is the fact that they'll spend a shitload of money on a nice car, but not have any money left over to pay for shit like: parking tickets, rent or whatever. I don't think the guy is driving around town sipping Cristal out of the bottle. There's a wadded up Capri Sun next to the driver's side door! That's probably all the dude can afford, Capri Sun, and maybe once in a while some HI-C "Ecto Cooler".

I'm sure the car gets the douchebag that owns it a lot of chicks, but what happens when they want to come home with him? Is he really going to bring them home to his shithole apartment next to Pink's Hotdog's? Just because he's got a sweet ride doesn't mean he's got a house on the beach in Malibu.

I mean how's it gonna work? Say the douche spots a table of drunk girls at The Saddle Ranch. They seem decent enough, couple sixes, maybe sevens on a good day, save for the one heinous looking chick. He gets some shots together and heads over to the table, as the girls all start cheering for one of their friends who is desperately trying to look hot while flailing around on the mechanical bull. There's a lot of clapping and shouting, because it's Thursday night, and sometimes girls just need to get out and party!

The douche brings the shots over to their table, and immediately they circle the wagons because no man is going to bust in on their party. The ringleader Patty, the one with the unfortunate face tells the guy to get lost. The guy is persistent, he brought shots, I mean come on. Patty sees that he has shots, and has a change of heart. She let's out a "Yeaaaah" or something equally piercing, and shots are consumed by the table. The douche has got his game down. He has some high powered job or something. Makes a lot of money...drives a sweet ass car. Whatever. They continue drinking. One of the girls starts taking an interest in the douche, and she let's Patty know. Patty, the wet blanket of the group, who normally would have cockblocked the douche , gives the thumbs up instead, because...well..he's got money and drives a sweet ass car...he's a total catch.

So, the girl and the douche have a sweaty kamikaze fueled make out session by the bathroom and decide to take off in his sweet ass car.

Where are they going to go from there? A guy that makes a lot of money, money enough to buy a sweet ass car doesn't live in an apartment near Pink's Hot Dog's. The douche can't take her to his aparment. They can't have sex on a pile of Maxim magazines, and dirty dishes. They gotta have sex in his sweet ass car, but how?

That's a question I can not answer, but rest assured, once I have enough money to buy my own sweet ass car, I'll figure it out.

Comments:
Ecto Cooler tasted orange, looked green, and kicked ass.
 
Isn't that a Roomba?
 
okay, so what scientific tests have been done to PROVE the capri sun foil trash belongs to the owner of the sweet-ass ride?

could it NOT be that some jealous mo-fu trashed the region around the sweet-ass ride?

and as for sex IN a sweet-ass ride like this, they don't do it in the ride, the do it with the hoe bent OVER the ride...lmao
 
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