Monday, June 26, 2006

Question Of The Day

I often find myself watching nature shows whenever nothing else is on television. Something about the way they're shot, and the soft tone of the narrator draws me in.

I especially like it when it's a nature show depicting the savagery of animal attacks. You know you're on to something great when you see a hapless animal drinking by a water hole; you just know that fucker is going to be eaten in half by something large with teeth and claws.

Still, after watching animals attacking each other on nature shows for so many years, one question never gets answered for me..

Do other animals realize how bad it hurts to be kicked in the balls?

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We all know that a good swift kick to the balls will render any man, save for the eunuchs, in a world of white hot pain that can only be described as "Being Kicked In The Nuts". There's no other way to describe it, since getting kicked in the nuts is so high on the pain scale , the only way to describe it is to refer it to itself.

How come in nature shows, we never see any animals getting kicked in the testicles? If a Gazelle is furiously trying to escape the clutches of a Lion, wouldn't it make sense that if the Gazelle were given a chance, it might kick the Lion in the balls? Of course, this is assuming that Lion testicles, or any other animal's testicles hurt like human testicles when kicked.

Why wouldn't testicles across the animal kingdom hurt when kicked or punched? I mean, what if our testicles didn't hurt when someone kicked them or threw a baseball at them? Testicles are really important. If they didn't hurt like hell after some sort of trauma, like falling on a balance beam, then we'd be careless with our testicles. The pain is there to say "Hey man! Watch it! Precious cargo here!". So it would be logical that in order to make sure animals can mate, and produce offspring, their testicles have to be kept in working order. If other animals didn't experience the pain we do when getting smashed in the balls, who knows what kind of shenanigans they'll get their balls into, thus risking damage and the chance to produce any future offspring.

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So, how come animals don't kick each other in the balls? Not only that, would knowing how bad it feels to be smacked in the nuts help us if we were being attacked by animals? Look at my friend Jeremy's dog.


See how big this dog's nuts are? Now, I know if a pit bull starts attacking me, I'm fucked, but if I somehow had my wits about me, and somehow found myself in a position to rock this dog in the nuts hard, then I should do it right? The pain would be so intense that the dog would have to take his teeth out of my neck, and roll into a little ball on the floor, while clutching his wounded testicles with his paws just like a human would do with his hands.

I should ask an expert, really....I mean, I don't want anyone to go out and kick the next dog they see in the balls just to find out what happens. Do I? No that's wrong, and mean...even if it is for science..

Thursday, June 15, 2006


This blog:

Prompted this discussion:

BTMBRKT: hahaha i forwarded that blog link to my friend mary

marcymint3: awesome

BTMBRKT: and she im's back

BTMBRKT: "the funny thing that they have these in japan"

marcymint3: hahaha

marcymint3: totally

BTMBRKT: hahahaha

marcymint3: too funny

BTMBRKT: yeah, the most effective female urination device i've seen is really low tech but works well i hear

BTMBRKT: i forgot what it's called

BTMBRKT: but it's basically a funnel like thing, but not so much a funnel like what you use to put oil in your car

BTMBRKT: more like, uhhhh how can i describe it.

marcymint3: hmmmm

BTMBRKT: i'm trying to find it on the net

BTMBRKT: but basically the prevailing idea is that it directs the pee pee away from the body, so you can stand up like a dude and pee on a tree
marcymint3: i like it

BTMBRKT: but it's so low tech
marcymint3: K.I.S.S.
marcymint3: ever learn that acronym?

BTMBRKT: oh yeah
marcymint3: Keep it simple, stupid! hahaha

BTMBRKT: ahahaha

BTMBRKT: see shit like this isn't k.i.s.s

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BTMBRKT: haha man if people saw what i was googling right now

BTMBRKT: "women stand up pee device"


BTMBRKT: it was like this

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BTMBRKT: but even simpler. but the above is pretty much the idea

BTMBRKT: a "pee pee placer" you could say

marcymint3: hahahahaha

marcymint3: "THE MILLIE female urinal" hahahaha

BTMBRKT: hahaha

marcymint3: oh man, so funny!

marcymint3: that would come in very handy on road trips

marcymint3: man, that last pic looks like it was taken in my office bathroom!

marcymint3: weird

BTMBRKT: hahaha

BTMBRKT: the millie

BTMBRKT: hhaha

BTMBRKT: just the image of someone busting that out on a road trip

BTMBRKT: "no no, don't stop. I got my Millie with me, just keep your eyes on the road for a sec"

marcymint3: HAHAHAHAHA

marcymint3: all this talk is making me have to peepee! brb

marcymint3: (if ionly i had a millie i wouldn't have to leave my desk!)

Later on I found what I was looking for:

and please check out their animated directions:

So today I had a conversation about butts and pee. All in all a great day's work.



rebex1980: wake up?

BTMBRKT: haha yeah. it woke you up right?

rebex1980: i am now wide awake

rebex1980: how is your weird spider bite or whatever was wrong with you?

BTMBRKT: it's getting better

BTMBRKT: pain hurts less

BTMBRKT: i can now climb walls though

rebex1980: and shoot webs out of your wrist?

BTMBRKT:'s my butt unfortunately. Only in the comics do you get them on your wrists. In real life, when you gain spider powers, you gain real spider powers. ie. Web out of the butt

rebex1980: that sounds really messy

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

The Dangers Of The Internet

Listen to your parent's kids.

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Screw you kid!

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Thursday, June 08, 2006


Some motherfucker stole the wheels off my bike.

Here is the sad, sad image of my trusty ride...
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To quote Alan Rickman's character from Galaxy Quest
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"By Grabthar's hammer... by the Sons of Warvan... you shall be... avenged."

I hate petty theives. Why can't people just leave other people's shit alone? I want the fuckers who did this to die. Petty theives deserve the worst of everything. They're not stealing to put food on the table. They're not stealing to right some sort of wrong. They're stealing shit to sell for pennies. They're stealing shit because they're bored. Fuck that. While they go and sell the wheels for ten bucks, I'm out at least a hundred to replace them.

I hate people.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Slayer Day

For those of you wishing to celebrate today's rare date of 6.6.06, I made this fun collage for you to put up on your wall at home, cubicle, or office:

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Let's call it "Satan Collage" or something. Enjoy.

Today, my plans are to:

1. Kick a small child's basketball over a fence, and then blame my behavior on it being "6.6.06". Craaaazy

2. Annoy people with stupid 666 related obeservations like:

"Whoa man, you're going 66 miles per hour. Wouldn't it be crazy if you were going 66.6 miles per hour? Like, of all the days to go that fast. You know what I mean? Craaazy!"

3. Do laundry.

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