Monday, August 21, 2006

The Motorcycle Blog-eries

As a birthday present to myself, and to celebrate my general awesomeness. I bought this:
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When you tell people that you want to purchase a motorcycle, you'll get one of two responses:

"You're gonna die"


"Fucking sweet!"

I've wanted to buy a motorcycle for quite some time now, for a number of reasons. The main ones being: Cheap gas, easy to park in small places, and faster commuting through traffic.

In Los Angeles, being able to park in small spaces, and cutting through traffic quickly are major issues. So, the idea of riding a motorcycle through the city makes sense. Of course, I could have bought a Prius to save gas. I could have bought a Civic. There are a number of cars that save gas and commute well that are available, but I knew that I would be wasting a lot of cash, buying a car that didn't excite me. Every time I started the car, I would have thought..."Man I could have bought a motorcycle with a quarter of the money I spent on this car". Each time I sat in traffic I would think "Dammit, I could just cut through all this shit with the bike". What's the point of spending a load of money on something, when all you're going to do is regret it later?

To say that my sole reason in buying a motorcycle was to save money on gas isn't entirely true. Sure, it's the practical reason, but really, riding a motorcycle is fucking fun. You don't even have to be riding at breakneck speeds to have fun on the bike. Riding to the store is more fun. Dropping dvd's off at Blockbuster is more fun on the bike. The commute to work? Fun! Until you get there of course, but if you're like me and have a tendancy to cry in the parking lot until you absolutely have to go into the office, at least you can hide your tears behind your helmet.

The main drawback to owning a motorcycle? Death. There's only so much you can do as a rider to prevent injury or death. You can be the safest rider in the world, but you can't trust other drivers. Are they paying attention? That driver in the oncoming he going to turn left in front of you? You can't have an off day while riding a motorcycle. You have to pay attention at all times, scanning traffic, while being aware of your surroundings. So far, I've been riding the bike, breaking it in during early morning hours, where I can concentrate on getting familiar with it before I go out and deal with heavy traffic. I think this is a good way to go. So far it's been working out well. No pressure, open streets, not too hot outside.

Now that I have the bike, I need friends to ride with too. So get bikes people. We can start a motorcycle gang. Although, the word "Gang" carries a negative image. We can be a polite motorcycle fun group. We can call ourselves:

"The Motorcycle Buddy List"

or instead of The Hell's Angel's we can be:

"The Cherubs Of Cuddle"

You know, something non menacing. We're about hugs not thugs.

I think this is the best birthday present I've bought myself. It sure beats the Super Soaker I got myself for my twelfth birthday. Thirty feet my ass. That thing only shot water ten feet. Ten feet is adequate, but if you're gonna advertise thirty feet of Peter North quality soaking power, you better deliver.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Snitches Get Stitches

NEW YORK - Fred, the Undercover Kitten who gained fame earlier this year by posing as a would-be patient to help police nab a phony veterinarian, has died, authorities said Friday.

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The 15-month-old tabby was killed Wednesday when he wandered into traffic and was run over by a car, according to the Brooklyn District Attorney's Office.

Fred was a rescued stray when he was enlisted by law enforcement in February.

An undercover investigator posing as Fred's owner summoned the suspect to an apartment rigged with a hidden camera and pretended the kitten needed to be neutered. The man was arrested as he left carrying Fred in a box and cash for the operation.

Fred got his due at a news conference, where he sported a tiny badge on his collar.

"He's pretty easygoing, a real Brooklyn guy," his caretaker, prosecutor Carol Moran, said at the time.

Fred received a Law Enforcement Appreciation Award and was honored at an adopt-a-thon benefit hosted by Mary Tyler Moore and Bernadette Peters. He had been "preparing for a new career in education," with a "significant role" in a classroom program that teaches children how to care for animals, the district attorney's office said.

Fred ran out Moran's back door into her yard Wednesday while Moran was attending to two dogs.

"He had to have hopped several fences" to escape to the street, Moran said. Neighbors found his body in the road later that morning.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The Angriest Fucking Emoticon Ever.

heatherajack: dude

heatherajack: i had to go to the doctors during lunch, but was reassured by the idea that my leftover lunch would be waiting for me in the fridge today

heatherajack: and upon inspecting the fridge

heatherajack: it has, in fact, been thrown away

heatherajack: it was only from yesterday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heatherajack: wtf, man!


(Heather added an emoticon here)

(Note: I wasn't able to show the emoticon, but it was animated, and angry.)

BTMBRKT: holy crap. this is the fucking raddest emoticon i've ever seen

BTMBRKT: literally

BTMBRKT: and that sucks about the lunch. but have you seen this emoticon? Is this the first time you used it?

heatherajack: i have seen it

heatherajack: i know its power

BTMBRKT: i keep looking at it

heatherajack: and i thought it was appropriate

BTMBRKT: it like, fully encapsulates your rage

heatherajack: not by a long shot

BTMBRKT: well as much as a fucking totally awesome animated, really angry emoticon can

heatherajack: perhaps

heatherajack: fucking lunch thieves

BTMBRKT: that sucks

BTMBRKT: what's so awesome about this emoticon. Is that it's right under your "UGGHHHHHHHHHRGHRGHHHHG"

heatherajack: haha

heatherajack: yes, its awesome on many many levels......

BTMBRKT: sorry about your lunch though.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Vinnie Cent

This morning I woke up in a cold sweat. Heart racing because I'm about to turn 27, and I haven't achieved many of the goals that I thought I would have by my 27th birthday.

Maybe I'm too hard on myself, but without goals in life, what the hell are we doing?

Then, this afternoon like some magical gift, I fulfilled one of the goals on my list of things to achieve before I turn 27. It happened so quickly, I fought back tears as the feeling of joy overwhelmed me. Thanks to the power of the internet, You Tube, and some guy with a lot of time; I have finally seen a video of Joe Pesci rapping.

I present this gift to you all. Maybe with a little luck, this video will reach someone else who desperately needs to see a video of Joe "Vinnie Cent" Pesci, spit rhymes to the beat of "Rapture".

Whew. I can now face the age of 27, with open arms.

Friday, August 04, 2006

What happened to Steve Guttenberg?

Ok sure, I can go to and find out what his last project was, or google his name or whatever. Honestly, I don't really care that much. I just needed an excuse to post this video clip of The Gute.

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