Monday, September 25, 2006

Thank You Mom And Dad For This Boring Life

Angelina's got two, a Cambodian, and an African one, Jessica Simpson is thinking about one from Mexico...

With more and more Hollywood people adopting babies from different countries, I can't help but think that my parents did me a great disservice by not putting me up for adoption when I was born.

I don't know if the ethnic baby adoption market was as popular as it is now, way back in the late seventies, or early eighties; but if there were a chance that I might have been adopted by one of the up and coming starlets of yesteryear such as Olivia Newton John, or Dorothy Stratton, I missed it because of my stupid selfish parents. "Release me to the world mom and dad! Let some spoiled starlet with money to burn adopt me!" is what I should have said to them had I been able to form words and speak upon my delivery.

Imagine all the parties I would have gone to as my Starlet Mommy carried me everywhere like some new toy. These would have been 80's parties too. The kind with all the coke and power networking. It would have been perfect. Starlet Mommy could have hid her drugs in my diaper. What cop would look there? I would have been the coolest accessory.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

No, my parents had to raise me in a nice suburban neighborhood. My parents had to work hard everyday to pay the mortgage, not once taking me to some sexy wild party where everone fucks each other in a drug addled haze. I'll never know what it's like to grow up in those crazed surroundings, go to rehab at age 13, sober up, become an actor, fall off the wagon again for years, then go to rehab again, then experience a great career renaissance prompting people to applaud me as the Comeback Of The Year! Shame on my parents for denying me the chance at this fantastic path through life.

I guess one good thing about growing up with plain old biological Mom and Dad is that I escaped death, which is one thing I can't say for sure had I been Dorothy Stratten's kid. Whew! Dodged a bullet there!

Well Mom and Dad, My life is boring thanks to you. When, I visit you guys next, I'm going to run straight to my room, slam the door and play rock music really loud. Yeah...serves you right.

I will also be bringing my laundry home.



i completely understand.

I am thinking of adopting a Thai baby and calling it Chardonnay.
i'm bringing my laundry too! i guess i'll do yours.
i'm bringing laundry home too! i guess i'll do yours.
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