Wednesday, October 04, 2006

My Coworker Is Turning Into A Zombie

Recently, one of my coworkers suffered a blow to the head when his garage door crashed down on top of him, knocking him unconscious and bleeding. After a trip to the hospital, and a day off from work he's back, but different..we think he's turning into a zombie. The only way to find out for sure? Monitor his behavior throught the day, searching for any zombie like actions...

Morning:

btmbrkt: hey richard's back! Have you noticed any differences in his behavior?
annaboc: his hat isn't on
annaboc: and he's dragging his left leg

btmbrkt: oh man, that's a sign. he's changed. please alert me to any raw meat eating, or smeagol like antics
annaboc: richard has pills. i think they are anti-zombie pills to make him appear normal.
annaboc: he also just said 'he feels out of it"

btmbrkt: hmm, i'm not entirely convinced.
btmbrkt: Keep an eye on him, and update me with any odd mannerisms or facial tics
btmbrkt: much like Blade, he can only take the pills for so long before the "hunger" is overwhelming

annaboc: lets test it by taking away his pills
btmbrkt: are we prepared for that? I mean, the results could be disasterous for the well being of our co workers
annaboc: we are not prepared
annaboc: you are right
annaboc: we need to prepare


btmbrkt: however it's a good idea, so we you know, can figure out what we're dealing with
annaboc: ok but maybe in a controlled environment
btmbrkt: as a test, ask him what his favorite color is
btmbrkt: if he says "Meatballs"
btmbrkt: somethings amiss

annaboc: he said RED
annaboc: close enough

btmbrkt: hmmm, red...yeah it is a close call. Perhaps he said red since it's the color of blood. Be careful.
annaboc: i know!
annaboc: richard called me mary earlier.
annaboc: something is definitely wrong


btmbrkt: oh no. He is turning into a zombie faster than I thought he would
annaboc: uh huh

After Lunch:

btmbrkt: I saw him walking before lunch, he does indeed walk with a sort of odd limp
annaboc: uh huh. and a slump
btmbrkt: weird. Ask him to say the word "Brains"
btmbrkt: if it's long and drawn out
btmbrkt: like
btmbrkt: "Braaaaiiinnnnnnssss"
btmbrkt: then we definately have a problem

annaboc: i will make him use it in a sentence

annaboc: i cant get him to say brain


btmbrkt: shit. he's good.

Late Afternoon:

(An old man just now, is walking toward Richard)
btmbrkt: oh listen to his interaction
btmbrkt: with that man
annaboc: hunger...pure hunger
btmbrkt: i don't know about this guy...he might be like an "elder zombie"
annaboc: of the octagenarian species
btmbrkt: yes, recruiting..

(I tried sneaking up on Richard while he was reading)
btmbrkt: he didn't get scared when I tried to startle him
annaboc: zombies are emotionless
btmbrkt: that's like, sign number 4 that he's "turning"
annaboc: how many signs are there again

annaboc: omg
annaboc: tomorrow i am gong to bring in my zombie survival book
annaboc: that the amazing zombie warlord MAX BROOKS wrote

btmbrkt: ok great idea. you should bring it in
btmbrkt: so far i think the major signs of zombie-fication
btmbrkt: are:

btmbrkt: Dead....but still alive. That's the main one.
btmbrkt: Eats Brains
annaboc: yes
annaboc: right
btmbrkt: Moans A Lot
annaboc: uh huh
annaboc: disorientation
btmbrkt: Yes!
btmbrkt: that's a big check for Richard

annaboc: wall climbing
btmbrkt: hunch backed snarling in cubicle corners
annaboc: yup

btmbrkt: I fear that tomorrow he will be in an advanced form of zombie-ness that we won't even recognize him

btmbrkt: I haven't seen Sam in a while....should we be worried?
annaboc: i think sam is dead
btmbrkt: not good.

Comments:
that made my day
 
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