Thursday, November 30, 2006

Naked man rescued from alligator's jaws.,0,2905575.story?page=1&coll=orl-home-headlines.

This news article is infuriating. According to the article, a naked man was being eaten by an alligator, and was saved by sherrif deputies. How on earth did the man find himself being chewed to death by a modern day dinosaur you ask? Motherfucking drugs.

Regarding the man who heard the dying man's plea for help:
"As Osborne listened, he followed the pleading voice through more than 20 yards of weeds in Lake Parker's murky, chest-deep water about 4 a.m.Then he saw them: a naked man slumped over, caught in the jaws of a huge alligator amid thick cattails in bloodied water. He said the man, who had been using drugs and lost a lot of blood, seemed oddly calm."
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"I like it when the crack gets in my 'stache. It's like I'm saving some for later"

What's infuriating about this whole story is that they are going to kill the alligator.
"A trapper caught a nearly 12-foot, 600-pound alligator Wednesday afternoon that investigators think could have been the one involved in the attack because it was feeding near where Apgar was found, agency spokesman Gary Morse said. The animal was to be destroyed later."

What does this say about our country, when an alligator can't eat a dumb motherfucker, high out of his mind on drugs? Especially when this dumb motherfucker on crack, gets naked, then wanders into lake that's "known as a haven for the mammoth reptiles."

Sad state of affairs I say. We saved the retarded crackhead that walked nude into alligator infested water, and then kill the alligator that's just doing his alligator job. What's an alligator's job? Eating shit, when it's hungry. Food is food to a gator. It doesn't matter if the food is a deer, a cow, or a guy on crack.

It doesn't even sound like they're sure they caught the right alligator. Investigators only think they have the right one based on the fact that the alligator was feeding near the site where the attack occured. Fish and Game is always profiling the 'gators. Who will stand up for them? Steve Irwin is dead. PETA? Where the fuck are you? Too busy following celebrity starlets and monitoring their fashion? Here's an alligator on death row! You can do something about it!
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The article states that, Sherrif Grady Judd is "very proud" of his deputies and their rescue."

What's Judd going to say during the next morning's meeting?

Judd: "Good work deputies, that 'gator has been prowling the wetlands for years eating shit that enters his 'natural territory'. Glad we finally got him off the streets- er, ecosystem..whatever. It's men like you that allow people like Adrien Apgar to continue his wonderful life filled with gap toothed whores, and crack addled memories of street blowjobs and stabbings. I salute you"

I'm pretty sure from the evidence that they have got the wrong gator! Surely they need to round up all the alligators from the area and conduct an identity parade (through one way glass to protect the identity of the crack head), then the crack head can point out the real one who tried to eat him. Either way, I agree the gator was just doing his job!
Wow, I'm so glad those Florida swamps are safe now that they're getting rid of that one evil alligator, bent on world domination. All the others are nice, plant-eating alligators. Let's go swimming!
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