Thursday, December 14, 2006

Holiday Travel!

I'm driving home for the holidays.

The distance between Los Angeles and Orinda, California is about 300 some miles. Close, yet annoyingly far away.

It's considered close because the drive can be made in a day. Depending on how fast you drive you can make it from Los Angeles, to Orinda in around 5 hours. Normally, it's about 6-8 hours, depending on traffic and how many times you have to pee. I often pee a lot if I make the drive because of the insane amount of energy drinks and coffee I have to consume in order to make it.

I hate the drive. I'll just say right now that the drive from Los Angeles to Orinda is one of the shittiest things ever.

(Side note. I read over some of my posts recently, and I am surprised at the amount of times I use the word 'shit' in each post. I use the word shit, a shitload of times.)

The difference in price between flying in driving is pretty much equal. It takes about as much to fill my tank up during a round trip drive, as it does a roundtrip flight.

So why don't I just fly up? If I fly up, then I'll be out of a car while I'm at my parent's house. Not having a car while I'm home with the folks is excruciating.

So, I think I'm driving up this year. Many of my friends make the drive with no problems. It's nothing to them. For me? It's a constant battle to stay awake, and stay sane.

Near the halfway point of the drive, at hour number 3, I start my descent into madness. I start yelling at the distance:

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FAR AWAY?!!"

and

"FUCK THIS DRIVE!"

I start yelling at other drivers:

"LEARN HOW TO DRIVE DOUCHEBAG!"

I start yelling at my music:

"UGGHHH STUPID ITUNES PLAYLISTS!"

By the time I go through Gilroy, near the home stretch..( I take the 5 to the 152) I'm falling asleep. Numerous cans of Red Bull littered around my truck, I still can't stay awake. I get drowsy driving to work or to the store, and that's only a couple minutes.

I open all the windows, and just start making loud noises to myself to keep myself awake. By now, I'm just yelling just to yell:

"FUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK", and my other favorite:

"WHY AM I NOT THERE YET!!??"

By the time I get to 680, then onto Highway 24, I'm delirious. I'm flooring it. My back hurts, my ass hurts, I have no more music to listen to..

I feel bad every time I pull into my parent's driveway. My mom is always at the door, curlers in her hair with a big smile.

I'm in no mood for it.

I park the car, grab all my stuff, and grumble as I make my way to the door.

"Hi sweetie", she always says. My only response is much like the response Dan Akyroyd utters in Trading Places, where he's all haggard in the Santa suit.

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"Winthorp!"

"BLEEEGHHHH"

You know what I'm talking about, when he's leaving the party? Right...nevermind.

But that's how I greet my sweet old mom, who's probably been waiting by the door for me to get home for hours, leaping up when she hears my truck rumble by.

I'm a jerk.

"Hi sweetie!", she says.

"UGHHHHHH", is the only response I can muster. Mom follows me into the kitchen where I drop everything and start plowing into the food, she spent hours preparing for me.

"How was the drive?", she asks.

"UGGHHH blaurrgghh, it sucked..mfff arghhhh", I say in between mouthfuls of food.

By now, I feel like crap. My mom's all excited to see me, she cooked all this food, and here I am acting like a douchebag stuffing my face, barely taking the time to breathe.

But she's happy regardless. She just sits there at the table, with a happy look on her face, while I finish eating.

My mom knows that this is how I operate. It's been this way for years. I'm not home that often, but when I do come back, it almost seems like I revert back to my teenaged self.

Something about being back at home, sleeping in my old room does that. I think my mom knows this, and kind of likes it. She dotes on me, and I get annoyed. Just like old times.

My mom doesn't really do much. She doesn't have many hobbies, and she doesn't have a large network of friends. She looks forward to the times I call her, even though I should do it more often, and I'm sure she looks forward to the times I come home, shitty mood and all.

Perhaps this time around, I can try to be in a better mood when I pull into the driveway. Ughhh, probably not...did I mention that driving home makes me go crazy?

Wow, who knew my rant about driving up from Los Angeles, to the Bay Area would end with a sappy ode to mom?

Oh well, here's a pic of her that I've posted before. Just to show everyone how she cuts loose:

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And a pic of her curlers:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Comments:
Awwwwwww.

I like the woman in the first picture with the "2005" sunglasses.
 
Merry New Year!
 
hahaha and i made it home BEFORE you!
 
Try driving the 5 when you're drunk. The time flies!
 
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